I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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