No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize