dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
