Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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