Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
