New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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