Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
