I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
