in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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