It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
