things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
