My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize