Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
