$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
