So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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