Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
