do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
