i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
