I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
