Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
