when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
