It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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