The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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