I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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