A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
