listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
