It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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