Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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