dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
