Michael Bay diarrhea
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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