do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
