how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
