Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize