Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
