Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
