Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
smell my finger.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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