just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
