i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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