Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
