My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
