It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
