I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize