it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
