You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
