I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
