now i know why i became what i already was.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
