I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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