He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
