He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
