Small penises have feelings too.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize