we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
