a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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