i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
