Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We have so much sex to catch up on
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
