I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
