i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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