i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
