You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
