Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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