I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
