I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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