Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
