Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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