Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You're like the curious george of whores
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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