dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
