Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
