Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
