I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
