You smell like stripper and shame
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
