it was like eating out sand paper
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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