I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
