Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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