get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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