shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
